truthfirst

Over my weekend these events occurred:

1. Saw Moonrise Kingdom

2. Comfortably Numb remix played on repeat

3. Admitted some truthful but scary stuff

These events were undoubtedly paired together by the Universe as a message to me. 

Molly,

You can live,

or you can be afraid.

Love,

Universe

I've battled this choice in my life a lot. I don't like to do things that might be painful in some way because pain is...unpleasant! For fear of the lows, I sometimes sacrifice all of the possible highs. 

But I've also learned that life in fear is so boring. I've tried it out. Eventually I can't stand it, my hunger to live overcomes my fear of it. This past year of not being so careful, I've encountered the hardest year of my life. And the best. 

In the new movie Moonrise Kingdom, two spirited 12-year olds also refuse to play safe. The place where they live and the lives of the other characters in the movie are pretty comfortable and boring, no huge highs or huge lows. But these two kids don't want that- they want to LIVE and LOVE and do it. You end up admiring them so much. You have a crush on them. Cancel your other plans tonight and go see it. If this blog gets you to do one thing, do that.

On the way to the movie I had earphones in and jammed in falsetto to a Comfortably Numb remix. To me, the song is a dialogue between an evil "Playing it Safe" voice and a heroic "Truly Living" voice. The 1st and 3rd stanzas could also be the voice of the small self, and the 2nd and 4th the voice of the True Self: 

Hello,

Is there anybody in there

Just nod if you can hear me

Is there anyone at home

Come on now

I hear you're feeling down

I can ease your pain

And get you on your feet again

Relax

I'll need some information first

Just the basic facts

Can you show me where it hurts

There is no pain, you are receding

A distant ship smoke on the horizon

You are only coming through in waves

Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying

When I was a child I had a fever

My hands felt just like two balloons

Now I've got that feeling once again

I can't explain, you would not understand

This is not how I am

I have become comfortably numb

O.K.

Just a little pin prick

There'll be no more aaaaaaaah!

But you may feel a little sick

Can you stand up?

I do believe it's working, good

That'll keep you going through the show

Come on it's time to go.

There is no pain you are receding

A distant ship smoke on the horizon

You are only coming through in waves

Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying

When I was a child

I caught a fleeting glimpse

Out of the corner of my eye

I turned to look but it was gone

I cannot put my finger on it now

The child is grown

The dream is gone

And I have become

Comfortably numb.

On the subject of comfortably numb, how about comfortably closed off? I always hold back from really showing or admitting to Love because I'm afraid it won't be returned. Ever do that? But on Saturday evening, I didn't hold back. Without fear, I just laid it all out there. Looking back, I'm blushing. Like I said I usually choose safety over truth. This time I chose the truth over safety.

Sorta like Suzie and Sam in Moonrise Kingdom! Their truth was that they wanted adventure, and they sacrificed safety to get it. 

Suzie and Sam are my heroes. We might be comfortable when we're numb, but we'll never get to the Moonrise Kindgom. It's yoga- make truth more powerful than fear, whatever is the truth, jump truthfirst into it. If we truly feel it, could we START WITH: "I love you so much!" or "this is so fun!" or "this is delicious!" or "I'm gonna dance!" or "I want to see the world!"

and wonder if it's safe second...

or not at all.

Love,

Molly