Some people like to take apart computers or cars, but I love to take my fears apart, dismember them, seeing what they are made out of.

When I was a kid I would ask my mom a question, then ask "but why?" until she could no longer answer. She would get exasperated and say "Oy! You are too curious." I'm grateful for this skill of wondering I developed as a kid since now I approach my fears the same way. Why? Why? Why?

It helps me to uncover the truth.

I take a fear and follow it all the way to the end, like unravelling a thread. For me, it always ends the same place.

Like the L train terminates in Canarsie, all my fears end in the same, deep concern: that I might be "unloveable." Fundamentally not worth the real estate I have in this universe.

It's funny to even write it- immediately it sounds ridiculous. I wonder if only I feel this way. No- the more research (meaning living) that I do, the more I find that in some way or another, many other people battle the same misconception. This fear just has a lot of costumes. It disguises itself as anger, control, being bitchy, moody, cold....

My friend Luke and I repeat this conversation about Love over and over. It just keeps coming up. We've dubbed it "primordial self-worth": the deepest confidence a person can possess. This confidence lies not in how smart, wealthy, talented (how many years did I think this?), beautiful (still working), how strong or sweet they are, but in whether they know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that they are worth the space they take up on this planet.

It's SO tricky. I could tell you till I'm blue in the face (like Krishna!) that I love you, but would you believe me?

Or would some part of you think "well, if you knew this about me..."

Some of my favorite personal reasons I'm not lovable: "I'm just too much person to handle" and "I have this one, fatal flaw..."

Great...so, what to do?

I don't know. Sorry. All I know is to LOOK.

My purpose in writing this is to emphasize how important it is to take the thread, unravel it, find the end. Take a fear and ask WHY.

Just that is powerful.

I ask my questions with movement. I ask them as I sit. I encapsulate my questions in mantras and chant them. I write my questions, bounce them off good friends, make classes out of them, walk the streets of New York City with them. And by following the rabbit hole as far as it goes and then exploring where I end up, I feel like there is hope for me to overcome, to get what I want in this life. Fatal flaws, insurmountable hurdles, deep-set misconceptions, paralyzing fear- it can ALL be worked with.

As my boy and renowned yogi Krishnamacharya taught: "Something that is impossible at this moment becomes possible through Yoga....In stages, the impossible becomes possible."