If You Want To Sing Out, Sing Out

Song Rec: "If You Want To Sing Out, Sing Out"

Artist: Cat Stevens

Album: Footsteps in the Dark: Greatest Hits, Vol.2

I'm learning so much right now I feel a like I've just gotten off a roller coaster, whoaaaaa

but from the most bizarre mediums.

No class, no book, no poem, no teacher

I'm learning by ADMIRING. By attraction to...

Voices:

breathy Cat Power

harsh Beyonce

cosmically feminine Sheila Chandra

Styles:

a flourescent statement of lipstick

a frayed tribal feathered getup

People:

the way my friend tips her head back and laughs.

When I admire something I take note, put a yellow sticky on it that says "there is something here."

I think we admire something when it's us-- what is inside is magnetized to what is outside. I just saw a dance performance where one piece started with one dancer alone on stage, staring at the audience. I loved how aliveness and power radiated like heat from the dancer to me in my seat. Part of me wanted to run down onto the stage, (gently) knock her into the wings and replace her! The intensity she was oozing- I feel it too- I wanted to stare at the audience, my eyes glowing like a demon or X-man.

When you admire something or someone, it is because you're working your way back to it. But, of course, the mind can get in the way:

Mind: "YOU, my dear, are NOTHING like Beyonce."

Molly: "Says who?"

Yes, my mind doesn't always agree with what I sense, smell, hear as a whisper about myself; with what is weakly banging its fists on the inside of my belly and yelling to get out. I might not look anything like Beyonce, but I feel an inner Beyonce! The way her voice is beautiful but also slightly threatening...her new video "Girls Run the World"....both remind me of something, somewhere in me.

And to not follow these impulses is actually scarier than the seemingly terrifying process that is becoming who we really are. I just spoke with a friend about this- how to block life actually hurts more than the ups and downs of living it. Still meditating on that one.

I find this is often the frustration people bring to their yoga mat- they sense one thing about who they are, but nothing in our society encourages believing or listening to things that cannot be proven, held, or measured. Yet the pain of being in an identity that 'doesn't quite cover it' is intense. I can relate. For a while I really donned the identity of "slyph"- fantastical willowy being in white who wafts from here to there. Well, that doesn't quite cover me.

So, right now I'm working on allowing myself to ADMIRE. I'm realizing that my ego doesn't need to be so defensive when I see something I am attracted to- I already HAVE it. And besides, being able to admire, to be attracted- is being able to be a student, is being able to evolve. What do you admire?

Rumi says: “Why do you stay in prison, when the door is so wide open?"

The door to being exactly who you sense you are is totally, completely open.

Can you walk through?

How To Change The World in Your 20s

“What you are, the world is. Without your transformation, there can be no transformation of the world. Only a profound inward revolution which alters all our values can create a different environment, an intelligent social structure, and such a revolution can only be brought about by you and me. No new order will arise until we individually break down our psychological barriers and are free.”

J. Krishnamurti

Thursday, before taking Elena Brower's yoga class, I check out her bookshelf. There is a book called "How To Change the World in Your 20s". I open it. Idea 1: Throw a dinner party to raise money for a specific cause. Idea 2: E-mail a state representative your thoughts on...

Time’s up. Class begins.

The next day I call my father. Topic: health insurance.

Molly: “Why do I, as an American, have to pay $250 a month for a bare bones health plan that only provides services if something major and terrible happens to me? How do other countries approach health care?”

Dad explains how health care reform in the US is moving slowly. Decisions about healthcare here are influenced by the interests of large corporations, who have often worked their people into the political infrastructure, and instead of supporting legislation that might provide Americans like myself with affordable healthcare, they protect themselves and their own interests.

The conversation leaves me sobered and feeling as though things in the US and globally are headed downhill, inevitably. I say "wow" and "geez" a lot- words expressing helplessness and confusion- how I feel that this Age (the Kali Yug , or Age of Darkness) is like a boulder rolling down a hill....my two outstretched hands couldn’t possibly stop it. I think back to the book I picked up. I don’t really want to throw a dinner party.

But don’t you ever wish you could DO something to HELP?

Every day I pray to be useful. I think about what Krishnamurti said, how the most noble job- the most useful thing you can do- is to just heal yourself. Could that be true? Are you sure I don't have to go to law school? I have noticed that when I am happier and in a space of love, I am more apt to share. Practicing yoga has given me ways to manage my own fear, and this gives me room. Room to say Sure, get on the train first, I’m going to be OK.

You know how when you are feeling good, you treat others well? The yoga practice lifts your spirits up to a sort of base-camp; it’s not the top of the mountain, but you feel a basic level of happiness that allows you to be kind, and share.

More YOGA=More LOVEing=More SHARING.

You might say, but I’m just ONE person!

And my rebuttal is: remember when hardly anyone used reusable shopping bags?

It’s daunting. And maybe the world - with global warming and nuclear warfare- actually will detonate and begin anew in the age of Truth. But I always think of the movie Titanic. How, when the ship started to go down and everybody realized they were going to die, that band started playing! Beautiful music- to sing and dance to- in the midst of destruction.

That’s what I want to do. Just be music and light in the midst of it all. And it takes work! Sitting down, getting on the mat, questioning, learning from those a few steps ahead.

Let’s change the world- be you 20, 30, 40. Let's make LOVE look so good, everybody’s gonna want to do it. LOVE will be sexy. Let's LOVE with such ridiculous resonance that we inspire someone else to do the same, and it will spread like reusable shopping bags until it reaches those asshole politicians.

So far, that’s my plan to change the world. I’m listening for the next instruction.